yes the dreaded swine flu has once again ravaged innocent civilians forcing the government to close schools in fear of it spreading.....or in simple words people in my school were found to have swine flu so i get an extra week off school, how cool is that! good thing too because i was so screwed for my last couple of assignments.I know its pretty bad to be happy about people being sick but i can't help it, i'll just say i am grateful instead ^_^.
man its been ages since i bothered putting anything here!
oh well that's life for you. school work (or hell as it is more affectionatly known) has taken away what little social life i had with about 7 assignments (4 down 3 to go!) and me trying to recover from shin splints. i have had a bit of a fight with my coaches over whether or not i should run cross country yesterday, i ended up running and now it looks like i might be out for the season. Irony at it's best people. On top of everything else my brother is back from uni for a short while, not that i dislike my brother so much but he's my mum's favourite and it gets really annoying being compared to my brother in every single little thing no joke she even compares how we eat!.
so yeah my life so far, can't wait until the holidays so i can finally have some fun.
i just decided to start this up cause i was bored and i needed a laugh. anyhow this entire article is about funny quotes from T.V., real life or anywhere else so far i have collected as many funny quotes as i could find, so just relax have a laugh and if anyone knows any good quotes give me a shout and i'll add it to the list.
1. "If you love your job, you havent worked a day in your life."
2. "Ninety percent of the game is half mental."-my coachs favourite saying, and my parents wonder why i dont listen to him
3. "A word to the wise aint necessary - its the stupid ones that need the advice."
4. Dont worry about the people in your past, theres a reason they didnt make it to your future :)
5. "Dumb people use big words to look smart, Smart people use little words so the dumb people will understand"
6. The body of a young woman is Gods greatest achievement. Of course He could have made it to last longer, but you cant have everything.
7. Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils ...
8. The man who smiles when things go wrong has thought of someone to blame it on
9. A man falls down a flight of stairs and somebody rushes over to him and asks, "Did you miss a step?"
"No," he answers, "I hit every one of them!"
10. Well I was bullied at school, called all kinds of different names. But one day I turned to my bullies and said - Sticks and stones may break my bones but names will never hurt me, and it worked! From there on it was sticks and stones all the way.
11. I wish I could die like my Grandad, in his sleep ---
not screaming, like the passengers in his car
12. Before You Criticise Someone, You Should Walk A Mile In Their Shoes, That Way, When You Criticise Them, Youre A Mile Away And You Have Their shoes!
13. "When I was young I was called a rugged individualist. When I was in my fifties I was considered eccentric. Here I am doing and saying the same things I did then and Im labeled senile."
14. birdie birdie in the sky, dropped a poopie in my eye.. i didnt scream, i didnt cry, but thanks my Lord that cows cant fly!!!
15. *~If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and quacks like a duck, then it is not a dog!!~*
16. life is tougth! luckily it is also short
17. Quagmire: That fat bastard murdered Lois! That son of a bitch; hes a killer like Bernie Getz! You know, the killer from the eighties. I used to do a bit on him back when I did stand-up. (Flashback to a younger Quagmire on a stage) Quagmire: Ah, what else is in the news? Oh, oh Bernie Getz. D-Did you hear this? This guy Bernie Getz shot a bunch of muggers on the subway. Wouldnt mind having him when I go see my mother in law. (Microphone whines) No, but really, New York Citys a great place to live...if youre a COCKROACH! Man in Audience: You suck!! Quagmire: (Sadly) I know.
18. (after stewie kills lois) Stewie: I did it! Shes dead! (runs down the boat,laughing. He suddenly falls) Ow ow! (begins crying) Mommy! Mommy! Mommy! (realizes) Oh, yeah. Thats right.
19. (In “Mr. & Mrs. Simpson” Marge serves Homer dinner.) Marge: Homie, I made you my killer lasagna. Homer's Brain: Its poison. Whatever you do, don't eat it. (Homer takes a bite.) Homer's Brain: Okay, you're already eating it, but don't finish it. (Homer finishes the lasagna.) Homer's Brain: Okay, you finished it, but don't ask for-- Homer: Seconds, please. Homer's Brain: You moron! Just kill her! Homer: I'll kill her after dessert! (Marge reaches into a pie on the table and pulls out two handguns, while Homer quickly produces a shotgun.) Marge: You're a killer for hire! Homer: You ruined that pie!
20. Murphys Law: if anything can go wrong, it will
Anything that can go wrong, will
Whatever can go wrong will go wrong, and at the worst possible time, in the worst possible way not really a quote but its to important not to be included
21. After eating an entire bull, a mountain lion felt so good he started roaring. He kept it up until a hunter came along and shot him. The moral: When youre full of bull, keep your mouth shut.
22. You know, I have always wondered why people bang their heads against brick walls... then I met you!
23. Passengers on a small commuter plane are waiting for the flight to leave. The entrance opens, and two men walk up the aisle, dressed in pilots' uniforms–both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a seeing-eye dog, and the other is tapping his way up the aisle with a cane.
Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin; but the men enter the cockpit, the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin glancing nervously around, searching for some sign that this just a little practical joke. None is forthcoming. The plane moves faster and faster down the runway, and people at the windows realize that they're headed straight for the water at the edge of the airport territory.
As it begins to look as though the plane will never take off, that it will plow into the water, panicked screams fill the cabin–but at that moment, the plane lifts smoothly into the air.
The passengers relax and laugh a little sheepishly, and soon they have all retreated into their magazines, secure in the knowledge that the plane is in good hands. Up in the cockpit, the copilot turns to the pilot and says, “You know, Bob, one of these days, they're going to scream too late, and we're all gonna die. . .”
24. the funny thing about this qupte is that it happened a short while ago.
* a couple of boys aged about 17 were being idiots and chucking water ballons at girls as they went past, one girl turns around and says*
"wow that's sad the only way you guys can ever get a girl wet is by splashing her with water"
if you don't understand it then your to young and shouldn't worry about it.
remember if you have any quotes you want me to add just give me a shout
g'day everyone, i am the newest noob to join skyrock so far, hell i just figured out how to post/edit articles, i have no idea what i am going to put up on this blog but i'll come up with something after all that's half the fun of having your own blog.
if anyone wants to add me as a friend or just wants to talk about the most stupidest things ever known to man you are more than welcome. Its pretty much the reason i joined since two of my close friends wouldn't shut up about me not being on it so here i am *sticks his middle finger at his two friends* so suck on that !.